Jan.19-2003

First- I am so sorry that I have not updated my thoughts page in almost a month. There is really no excuse for that. I have just been going through a lot of changes in my life, career, etc.... I am really doing some serious soul searching. I am making a great effort to look at some of the decisions I have made in the past --- in regards to bodybuilding---- and I am making changes to reflect the knew more enlightened ME! I won't get into details-- all I can say- I will be more selective with the types of opportunities that are presented to me. I have been dealing with a new self-discovery of Colette. I think I am finally growing up. I have to admit - I was sucked into this whole crazy world of bodybuilding -- I haven't seen straight since I started competing in 2000. I think I was seeing things through rose colored glasses. I never thought that there was going to be consequences to my actions. I just thought-- it was freedom of self-expression-- nothing I did would ever come back to haunt me.

I am finding that- Life is all about decisions----some good, some bad. But- you have to learn to deal with the repercussion of your actions. I was just going through life-- without giving much regard to what would happen-- IF? I am no longer that girl. I am going to march to the beat of a different drum. I am not going to be easily manipulated into situations that are not beneficial to me and my future. Most of all- if I am ever going to be truly happy- I need to LOVE myself.

It is interesting to note. Why do we bodybuild? Why would we spend so much time, energy, money, etc..... to make our bodies this piece of art. Most bodybuilders are very insecure----- they use weights, muscle, & food to put a Band-Aid over their insecurities. It is wonderful to take your body to places where you never thought possible- but, in doing so- don't forget about that person deep inside you. We bodybuilders spend so much time working on the outside- that we neglect that person on the inside. I think I was guilty of this too. I am still discovering things about Colette Nelson- the person, not the bodybuilder. I want to love that person--- for every good and bad decision that I ever made in my life. The past is the past- but, the future is going to hold all my hopes and dreams.

Life is so much more than maybe any of you have ever stopped to realize. For me -- it is bodybuilding-- my passion-- that has stopped me from smelling the roses. For others- it might be some other distraction in life that keeps you from confronting your true self. A quote was told to me this weekend from someone I love with all my heart. Read it a couple of times----- digest it------think about it.

TEDDY ROOSEVELT once said, "It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of good deeds could have done better.

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errors and comes short again and again; who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement; and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with the cold and timid souls who know neither victory or defeat."